i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
