Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
