Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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