it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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