i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
