I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
