And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
