I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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