if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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