woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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