I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
