I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
