I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
