I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
