Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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