Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize