please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you win again, gameday.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
