the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
