Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
