So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
