its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
