Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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