For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
