I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
