You're so nebulous sometimes
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
