I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
