i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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