Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
