I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
