toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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