yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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