so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
