there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
