So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
