Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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