and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
