i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
