I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
