Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
