And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
