Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize