So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
