I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
