your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
