I just cut my nipple shaving
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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