At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
