Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
