I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
