Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
