Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
