worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
