their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
