i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
