party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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