Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
