Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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