so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
