forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
