He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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