would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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