so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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