oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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