last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
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