I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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