ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
40s are totally the cure
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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