he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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