Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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