I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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