So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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