I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
