Will you blow on my dice?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize