My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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