Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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