How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
