I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
